The Pursuit of Happiness

Here is a silly little piece I wrote about how one Alabama law is definitely unconstitutional.
Enjoy.
“In February, Alabama's controversial ban on sex toy sales went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, which — much to the disappointment of sex toy providers — refused to examine the constitutionality of the ban. Under an Alabama law passed in 1998, selling a dildo or vibrator in that state can result in a year of incarceration and a $10,000 fine — and there are six other states where selling sex toys is illegal or greatly restricted, including Georgia and Texas (where schoolteacher Joanne Webb was arrested in 2003 for selling vibrators).”

I wonder if there is any act which can be considered more of a “Pursuit of Happiness” than a woman’s right to “Check the status of the I/O port”. I personally can’t see how a woman can pursue Happiness more than when she is “Auditioning the finger puppets.”
Alabama wants to fine woman $10,000 just for “Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp”. Imagine if it was a fine for each time a woman “did the sweet slide”. I personally know some women who would be out $10,950,000 per year, that’s about $ 657,000,000 in their lifetime. All for just “Filling the pink taco”.
It’s time we stood up for women who like “Fingerpainting”, We need a Million “Muffin buffin'” March for women who “Let thier fingers do the walking.”
What possible justification can any elected official give for denying a woman the right to “Make a mini Eiffel Tower “, Who do they think they are making “Playing couch hockey for one.” Illegal?
I’m sure woman have been going “Indoor Fishing” from like 10 minutes after indoors was invented. But States like Alabama declare: That “Flipping the light switch repeatedly” is illegal. Well women across America should give them the sticky finger.
If women want to “Open the bottom drawer” so they can “Paddle the pink canoe”, it’s totally their choice and it’s not up to the government to decide.
How can any state be so Mephistophelean that they think banning “Having ladyfingers and cream” is possibly a good idea.
Are they afraid women are sending out “Muffin Morse Code”?
It’s not just women who are affected by this, a lot of husbands like their “oven pre-heated” and enjoy watching their wives “Polishing the wedding ring”.
All women who like “Touching the tigeress” and “Twinkling the little star” should write their elected officials and let them know. “I Read the map of Tasmania and I vote.”