sad enough

I realized that I wasn't quite sad enough,
that even though everything continued
to be pretty rough, that I was still just a little
too tough, not yet fully beaten down,
still not ready for that thorny crown of that
dark Danish prince, like the last forlorn
Emmett Kelly clown, but still not ready
to take that last train out of town;
so I did my best to pull together all the rest
of the darkest things I know, and I listened
to Neil Young, and I tried to breathe real
slow, and I thought I felt the darkness grow,
but I still wasn't sad enough, and so I let my
mind wander, hither and yonder, to all the
terrible things that I've seen and felt, and yet
it wasn't enough to get the iceman to melt,
and so I struggled to my feet, ready for the end
to meet, and I screamed "out, damned Spot, out!"
and still I was not sad enough; and so I considered
all that I will leave behind, a bunch of silly words
from an over-stimulated mind, all those that you've
read before, the ones you know by heart and more,
and still I was not sad enough; I thought of all
those who have claimed to love me, caught,
red-handed, carrying big bags of insincerity,
worried about themselves, and never about me;
and still I was not sad enough, and I began to
wonder if I ever could be, and sadly, decided
that I would be sad eventually, but not on the
timeline that I had set out for me, no, not on the
timeline that I laid out like a path, yet another
failure, cannot even manage to be sad enough.

January 23, 2009.

Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved. As if.

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