"Hey, Jules, hey . . . hey Jules, wake up, honey, wake up, you must be having a nightmare or something. Come on, Jules, wake up, it's me, Shelly. Wake up, here I am, honey."
"Wha . . . who . . . what is it, what's going on? Where . . . oh, wow, what an incredible dream that was. Shelly, that really was freaky. Can you get me a glass of water, please?"
"Sure, honey, you just be still there and get a hold of yourself. I'll be right back."
"I didn't even realize that I had fallen asleep. I was just laying here with my eyes closed, and the next thing I know, you are shaking me, waking me up. And that dream, well, that wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare, Shell, a really weird one too."
"Here's your water, Jules. Yeah, it must have been really strange. I mean, I was just sitting here, reading Cosmo, and all of a sudden, you started saying 'simple Korean houseboy.' You said it over and over again, and I was like 'what the hell is she talking about? What Korean houseboy? Who even has a houseboy?' And then you started moaning, really loud, and then you said something about him being 'berry berry bad' and then you started rolling around, and I was afraid you were going to fall off the sofa and maybe hit the coffee table, so that's when I shook you to wake you up. Weird, huh? So who is this houseboy? Do you even know any houseboys?"
"I must have been dreaming about Jake. The Korean houseboy was an inside joke between him and me. But I don't remember much else from it, except . . . except that I could see Jake's face, and his lips were moving, but I couldn't hear any words. He was trying to say something to me, but I couldn't hear a thing. I remember thinking, damn, I wish I could read lips. But I couldn't hear him."
"Wow. I wonder what that means. I mean that must mean something. I read somewhere that dreams always have meanings. What do you think that means, Jules?"
"I don't know, Shelly, I don't know. Maybe it's just my mind trying to come to grips with the fact that my Jake is gone. Maybe it's just trying to reach him somehow. Maybe to let him know that I am thinking about him, and that I'm waiting for him to contact me like he promised he would. I don't know."
"Of course, it could just be that you are so emotionally drained from all of this, and that you are just struggling to cope right now. It could just be you missing him so much, I guess, and wishing that he was still here, or wishing that he had contacted you from the other side already. I read an article that said that the other side has been described by people who died, and then were brought back to life, that the other side has this big bright light, and you sort of walk toward it, and everything is really peaceful. But if you get brought back to life, then you move farther and farther away from the big bright light. I wish I could remember where I read that."
"I don't know much about any of that stuff. I don't think I ever paid much attention to it. I don't think I ever thought much about death and dying for that matter. I mean, even all that time, knowing that he was terminal, I don't think I really spent much time thinking about death and dying. Maybe I should have. Maybe if I had thought about it a little, maybe if I had read about it, maybe this would be easier now. I don't know. I always wanted to believe that he would be okay, that some miracle would happen, and he would be okay. I guess I never really wanted to believe that he would die."
"Well, I don't think anyone wants to spend a lot of time thinking about death and dying, Jules. I mean, I don't anyway. I want to live, and have fun, and think about what I want to do with my life. I don't want to spend my time thinking about depressing stuff like that. I just want to think about today. I think that's what most people want to do, too. So I don't think there was anything wrong with you not thinking about death and everything. I think it's pretty normal not to want to think about stuff like that."
"I am so worn out, Shelly. I feel like I've been run over by a truck or something. And I slept, so I don't know why I feel like this."
"Well, you may have slept, but you did have that really weird dream or nightmare or whatever it was, so I'm not sure that it was very restful sleep, Jules. I mean, I heard that in order to have really restful sleep, your mind needs to be relaxed, not just your body, so if you are all tense or upset about something, then you won't get restful sleep. You'll wake up almost as tired as when you went to sleep. I wish I could remember where I heard that. It might have been on Oprah."
"I'm thinking I might take some Ambien tonight so that I really can try to have a good rest. I feel like I've pulled an all-nighter. I haven't done that in years, but that's how I feel."
"Well, Jules, listen, I called Tracy while you were resting, and she's gonna come over, she should be here any minute, and she's gonna stay with you while I go get us some food. What kind of food do you think you want, honey?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe some Chinese. Yeah, Chinese would be good. You're such a dear to be here, and help me like this, Shelly. Thanks for being my friend."
"It's what friends do, Jules. You would do it for me, I know that. So, don't think about it. It's what friends do. And you are my best friend, Jules, in the whole world. Oh, I just remembered -- you got a package while you were resting. It must be important too, because it was delivered by World Courier. I put it over on the sideboard there. Let me get it."
"A package? I wasn't expecting a package. Does it say who it's from? Who is it from?"
"I dunno, there's no return address on it. It just has your name and address. Here it is."
"Well, let's see what this mystery package is. It's a CD. This is strange -- it's James Taylor's greatest hits. I didn't order this from anyone. I own this CD already. Who would have sent this to me? Shelly, do me a favor, go over there and look at my CDs, and see if I don't have James Taylor's greatest hits there."
"Yep, it's here; here it is. James Taylor. You have it alright."
"This is so odd. Oh my gosh, it's not James Taylor's CD inside though. What is this? Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Ode to Joy. What is going on? I get a CD that I didn't order, and in the case is the wrong CD? This is weird. Look at this, Shelly."
"I know, I see it. I sure wish there was a return address on this envelope, Jules, but there's nothing, just a blank space where the return address should be."
"Shelly, after we eat, I am going to take an Ambien, and try to get some rest. I've got to get some real rest."
"You should, Jules, you really should. This has taken a lot out of you."
"Maybe Jake will contact me if I really fall into a deep sleep."
"You never know, Jules. You never know."
January 24, 2009.
Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.