unscrew you with a hatful of bananas

I have this friend, well she is more than a friend,
she is my new wifey,
well, not new, I mean it's been a while now,
but only just today that it became clear
that I am her second, simultaneous husby;
but anyway, my wifey,
she makes lists,
lots of lists;
and it is way beyond obsession,
it is an art form, at least,
and it is like good whisky,
and dark chocolate:
there is never enough;
which, come to think of it,
is like good sex,
but I digress;
so anyway, I was inspired by wifey,
as I usually am,
to put together a list of my own;
just one, just this once, I swear,
one list, and that's it,
I am not gettin' hooked on this stuff;
so my list is as follows,
and in keeping with one of my personal icons,
Mr. Occupation: Foole,
I present it here:
1. all of you who think you are better than everyone else,
2. all of you who are,
3. and all the rest of you.

(I will miss you forever, George.)

that ought to do it,
even if the expensive Scotch doesn't,
and even if Orbison had never sung
"Mean Woman Blues."

I love my new wifey,
which is as good as number one got,
and is nearly as good as number two got,
although she did not deserve a bit of me,
which is why I vowed, to whatever I was
vowing at the time of the Massacre of '08,
that if I ever laid eyes on her again,
that I would have to instantly kill her;
note to law enforcement officials:
this pledge remains valid as of this date,
and all future dates that find me still
breathing in and out.

and so right about now in the evening's festivities,
I am thinkin' to myself,
dammit, dude, you need to listen to
Orbison a whole lot more,
if he can inspire you like this,
to which I reply (well, in my head, at least;
I'm not that crazy; well, maybe I am)
"hey, I will listen to Orbison whenever
I damned well please; wow, you look
great in that shirt, baby; oh, but I digress
again"; and so that's about all I have to
say about that, except
that I suddenly feel another list
coming on.

I may need a twelve-list program to save me.

June 2, 2009, for my new wifey. Also from the forthcoming collection, Spoken Rage, although that has nothing to do with her.

Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.

No comments:

Post a Comment