Crossroads (A Movie Review and a Warning)

“Starring” Britney Spears

Some movies like to start out with ridiculous premises so that anything that follows has some level of credibility, For example:
Transformers: aliens take over our machines and start killing everyone.
Terminator: The leaders of the future resistance movement send people and machines back in time to save their past self’s so they can lead the resistance movement.
Reign of Fire: A nest of Dragons is unearthed under London that wipes out civilization.
Red Dawn: C Thomas Howell is a tough guy.

But none of these need the amount of suspension of disbelief that Crossroads asked from its audience in thinking Britney Spears could be a Valedictorian Virgin.

Before this movie I had considered Britney Spears as a zero talent retarded slut; this movie considerably lowered my view of her.

After asking the audience to suspend it’s disbelief to a height never taken before it must have felt free of Earth’s gravitational influence because it asked us to take it higher.

We had Britney, Mimi a girl with a speech impediment who wants to go to Hollywood to start a signing career, and a 17 year old girl engaged to some guy in LA who won’t return her calls, all hop into and car with a guy they believe is a Homicidal maniac so they can travel from Georgia to LA with a total of $400 between them.

The rest of the movie goes downhill from there.

The movie did raise some real questions in my mind, like what did Brittney think Joan Jett could have possibly done that was so wrong that she deserved to have her song mangled like that?
Personally, If Joan Jett broke into my house, anally raped my mom with a rolling pin on the dining room table messing up her brand new white doilies, while eating my dog, then stole the grocery money so she could buy sugar to pour in my gas tank. I would still find that having Brittney mangle “I love rock and roll” that bad would be too harsh a punishment.

When Brittney performs her own songs, is she really singing? Or is she just lip-syncing to the sound of sick cats in heat that are being spun in a dryer? (If it is her voice I apologize to all sick cats in heat that got caught in the dryer.)

After seeing this movie I wanted Britney to go in front of the World Court for crimes against Humanity, but that would force the jurors to have to watch this turd and that is morally wrong.