A Few Minutes with Betty, Chapter 1: "I Am No Pretty Maid" (or "Headshots Are Not Just Photographs")

"Hey, long time no chat, Betty; wassup?"

"Nothing. I just thought more people would care that I disappeared."

"Well I was gonna IM you this morning, and then the day got away from me; working on this school budget story with lotsa numbers, and my brain got overwhelmed; I felt blonde for a while."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So you came up for air, only to break the break with long moments of silence? It's all true, I tell you, true, true, true. You know how much I love you. Plus I've noticed that you appear offline when you are online. Are you hiding from someone? Like Michael? And where were you on the evening of the 22nd? And who did you have coffee with last Tuesday? And if a man types in a chat, and there is no woman to correct him, is he still always wrong?"

"Yes. And for your information, Michael has emailed me several times to check on me. So Ne Ner Ne Ner Ne Ner."

"Dammit. F-ing Michael always beats me to the punch no matter what I do."

"Hot stupid boys are like that."

"So why did you vanish? Secret ops? Black bag work for the Feds? Forgot how to turn on your 'puter? I turn on my 'puter by whispering sweet nothings into its little electronic ears."

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

"You always want to kill me. You want to kill everyone with headshots."

"True, I always want to kill everyone. I just happen to be very good at headshots."

"The world is just your big shooting gallery, and we are all ducks or pretty maids all in a row. I'm one of the ducks, of course; I'd have been one of the pretty maids, but I look silly in pumps. Plus, I have a crewcut. Pretty maids don't have crewcuts."

"You are really weird."

"Yes, but that is one of the reasons you love me so much."

"You keep thinking that."

"That quintessential weirdness, like one of those Animal Planet shows about the odd little fish that live in the dark."

"I like those shows."

"Well me too, actually. Especially since you are so good at headshots."

"My favorite show of all time is 'UnWrapped.'"

"What's that about? Strippers?"

"They show you how they make snacks and desserts and all the fun foods; once, they did it all about hot sauce. And everything in life is not about strippers or sex."

"Oh, that sounds like a fun show. Do they have any strippers in it?"

"It's an awesome show. And you are obsessed with strippers. And sex. You need to see a professional for some help."

"I used to watch "How It's Made"; that one is cool. But there's no sex in it."

"The kids like that one. Of course there's no sex in it, it's about how things are made in factories."

"Well, I'm just a big kid, ya know, amused by the simple things."

"I could not have said that better myself."

"I got made in a factory. Damn near got both of us fired."

"You are incorrigible."

March 27, 2009.

Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.

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