Its been awhile since I actually sat down and wrote to you, as you know. I felt it time to sit down and compose. I bet its hard knowing that you are in constant demand from so many. I know I have a hard enough time with the people I am around at times. I think its time that I let go of things that have been clogging my mind, confusing my heart and limiting my soul.
I feel pulled in so many directions and my mind has been so scattered. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything positive though as you know I try. Maybe you don't maybe I haven't been able to reach you lately. God, I am trying to be the strong one, and I have been struggling. I do not understand why everything seems to be a battle. I do not understand how it is I am constantly drowning in everyday existence and how it is that I am constantly screaming into the oncoming winds and my voice is forever getting lost.
I am a good person, I look out for my fellow flesh bound souls struggling on this planet. My soul bleeds at injustice, my heart weeps at the sorrows of others. I feel as though I am not only unable to help myself but others as well. It troubles my sleep, it haunts my waking moments. I am unable to grasp onto hope as I once was able to do.
Perhaps, its just a matter of pecking order, I know there are those worse off than me. Though I am feeling as hopeless as I ever have. I know longer feel like the person I know I am.
I feel as though I have let you down. or perhaps its just those inner demons messing within me again. If ever I needed guidance now is the time. I have reviewed all that I have came from, and all the obstacles I have already battled. I have searched for rhyme and reason , my hands are still empty.
Perhaps its my stubborn nature thinking I can handle everything on my own. I am not sure . I know there have been times in my life I have been less than holy. I know there have been times I have had little to no faith , though I have always found my way back into your grace. Perhaps I am missing something now.
I concede , I claim defeat. I can no longer do this on my own. Please take this burden from me. I can no longer continue to struggle, my lungs are filling with water and I am sure that without some assistance I will drown.
Take it from me, take it all, the stress and worries. Take away the sorrows send the Grey clouds haunting bring me back my sunshine. Show me the way back to the path of enlightenment. Guide me now before the path I am on takes me further into the black abyss of sorrow and self doubt.
In your name I pray.