A Few Minutes with Betty, Chapter 7: "Two Giant Bottles of Fun" (or, "Boy, Where Are Your Clothes?")

"What's happening, slappy!?"

"Hey, Betty. Well I wrote my story on last night's planning board meeting and emailed it to my editor; made lunch, ate too much; read chapter two of the book project; and was chatting with Marie. I'm working again tonight at 6:30, covering a board of selectmen meeting. The planning board meeting last night went from 7 to 10; these people can talk and talk and talk and talk. I am also getting ready to post chapter 5 of Betty and a new poem, but I gotta make some coffee soon or I won't make it tonight. I have only had one cup today."

"Holy crap, take a breath too."

"I know. Most days and nights, it is just me and the caffeine."

"I thought I was bad."

"You are bad. But with this job, I am driven by the events or the meetings. Last week, I had no stories; this week, I will have three: wrote one on Friday, one today, and the third one tonight on deadline. I will be lucky if I am done by midnight. If the meeting goes until 10, I am working until midnight."

"Let's see. I got up at 4 because the boy made a bed mess, then I couldn't go back to sleep because of all the wind. George's brother is staying with us for a couple of days. Then I got up, made breakfast, did some laundry, and got all the kids ready. Went to the grocery store and the bookstore for a book that I just HAD to have. Came home, did some work, yelled at some people, made lunch, made fun of George, played with the kids, did some more work and then put all the kids to bed, and now I'm working and trying not to fall asleep."

"If I get lucky and they end at like 8:30, I could be done by 10 or 10:30."

"That sounds like so much fun. We are just two giant bottles of fun. And you haven't gotten lucky since you met me."

"Yeah, and people say, 'Oh, you're a writer, that must be so nice.' Yeah, it's great working all the time, 24/7. Oh, and Marie says hi."

"Say hiya momma back to her for me."

"Her house has become a beehive of activity too: FedEx, phones, people at the door."

"Busy, busy, busy. We should have been born machines. As much as my life is filled with many blessings, sometimes I think that if it sucked any more than it does that it would actually reverse itself, and blow too."

"I just wanted to sit and read and write for a while before I have to leave to go to work, and I have to leave in just about an hour."

"That doesn't ever happen. Hey, I got my new book, and it's still in the bag. In the car."

"What is it?"

"'Turn Coat.' It's one in a series about a wizard in Chicago."

"I wish I was a wizard most days. Or had some kind of superpower. As it is, all I have ever managed is to be a little strange."

"Well, my boy, the kid is strange. He's funny, but he is strange. Like you, only sweet."

"Well all of your kids have great senses of humor, but that's because they are your kids. And hey, I'm sweet."

"You just keeping telling yourself that, and maybe, if you become a wizard, you can make it come true."

"So how is your boy strange, then?"

"I remember this one time. I was having an outdoor party for a bunch of clients and their families. We had these big bouncy things, and a petting zoo. We had hired this company that brought in the zoo, the bouncy things, and a dunking booth. All sorts of stuff, so my yard looked like a fair. Any way he was about two. And suddenly, everyone's cracking up. I was in the kitchen and even through the closed windows I heard everyone laughing. So I went outside, and there is my boy on one of the decks. Wearing a cowboy hat and boots and nothing else. I said, 'Boy, where are your clothes?' He shrugs, stands at the edge of the deck, and pees."

"Incredible; in front of God and everyone?"

"Yes. And I said, 'Boy, what are you doing? And he said, 'Mommy, I had to pee.' And I said, 'Boy, why are you naked?' And he smiled and said: 'Cause it's so damn hot out.' And to think that I gave birth to this person."

"You know, I am a little worried that we might not have been very funny today. Any ideas on how I could fix that?"

"Hey, you're the Humorist. Humorize it. 'Juice it up.' Earn some money for a change. No wonder my back hurts all the time. I have to carry you every day."

"Oh, thanks Betty. That was very helpful."

"Hey, you know our deal: juice, I get a little. No juice, I get half. You need to get to work and do some humorizing."

"Talk to you tomorrow, when I hope you will be funnier."

"Talk to you tomorrow, Shakespeare, when you better send me a check."

April 11, 2009.

Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.

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