"Michael was telling me all about your conversation with him. He informs me that you secretly love him, and something about you wanting to wear pumps."
"He thinks everyone secretly loves him."
"I think you might be right."
"And I am not torturing myself with heels any more; flats are the new rule."
"Bleah; that's no fun."
"Sorry, they just kill my back."
"Last Saturday I ventured into D.C. to the Kennedy Center: three inch heels, baby."
"Well they do make the stems stand out."
"And I have awesome legs."
"Three inch heels are what we used to call FMQ Shoes."
"Okay, I'll bite: FMQ Shoes?"
"F Me Quick Shoes."
"Of course. How romantic. Except now the rule has risen to five inches. Are you current on anything at all, or are you still stuck in the 1970s?"
"Dammit. I am so out of touch, it's pathetic."
"I do not own a single pair of heels with less than a three inch heel. George loves me six inches taller than him."
"A new mountain to climb, as it were. Good for George."
"Actually, I do the rock climbing."
"That does not surprise me a bit; I imagine that the rocks just get out of your way."
"I don't think the rock you are talking about is the same one I'm talking about."
"Oh, THAT rock! So have you two christened the Flex with some sex yet?"
"No. And now it has three carseats, cloth grocery bags and all my crap in it."
"Well that doesn't sound like much fun at all. But even with the carseats, you could still get a couple of strippers in there, or several cases of beer; maybe both, on a really good day."
"On a good day? That's my every day. Hello? 'Adult Play Date' is scheduled to open in my basement, circa 2010."
"Which is, exactly, what, Betty?"
"A strip club and a place for adults to play."
"Wow; can I be a charter member or something?"
"Possibly. I'll need a copy of your last five tax returns."
"Oh, crap, this is going to be expensive, isn't it? Oh dammit."
"Um, all the good places are."
"That's why I never go anywhere. If it cost 25 cents to go around the world, I couldn't get out of sight."
"If frogs had wings they wouldn't bump their asses when they hopped."
"Well true enough; I don't know if I have ever actually seen a frog's ass, now that you mention them. This is gonna require some research. Wanna help?"
"In a pig's ass."
"Oh, more research!"
"I have to go. I need to flex George."
April 2, 2009.
Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.