"Hi, Betty. What's up?"
"I found out today that everyone at the main office for my job are frightened to call me. It's kinda nice to know that I don't even need to meet people face to face to scare them."
"Well yes; hey, why do you appear offline?"
"Are you hiding from someone?"
"I'm hiding from many things, but not my online status."
"Well it shows you as offline. You have an uber-nice status, but it just appears gray like you are offline; not even blonde, just grey."
"That's just so interesting; maybe it wants me to go away."
"Well I don't want you to go away."
"That's because I'm uber-awesome with a cherry on top."
"That word is too close to 'excrement'."
"Well it's Spanish for 'exactly'."
"I know that."
"And besides, you don't have diapers anymore there, so don't be going all girly on me."
"There is still an occasional diaper. The boy hasn't mastered the excrement part of this training."
"Let's leave your husband out of this conversation. He's not here to defend himself, and the way you excite him most days, well . . ."
"I am sticking my tongue out at you."
"Don't stick that thing out unless you intend to use it, he he."
"I would kill you if I did that."
"Well that sounds like a good enough way to go, though. So there."
"So there nothing. I'm a tough-ass bitch who flirts like no tomorrow, not a whiny-ass, sorry, wimpy bitch who cries and has emotional breakdowns. I am uber-tough. That's why you love me. And right now, I'm cooking and all the kids and their friends are playing in the yard. I am the master multitasker."
"Whatcha cookin', good lookin'?"
"I'm making chicken wings and cooking potatoes and steak for me and the boy."
"One of the many reasons I adore you so much. Is it hard getting the little bones in there?"
"What, the chicken wings?"
"Yes, you said you were making chicken wings."
"You are the strangest man on earth."
"Again, with the Spanish word that is too close to 'excrement.' You are pretty much untrainable too, apparently."
"You are such a good mom; most moms would not go to the trouble of making chicken wings; sitting there, all tired from the day, and yet you stuff those tiny little bones into the chicken meat, piece by piece, just so your kids and their friends can have the joy of picking all the meat off them."
"You are a deeply troubled individual, you know. I sometimes wonder why I even try to carry on an adult conversation with you."
"Adult. Now you are scaring me. I don't want to be an adult."
"And you are succeeding. I've got to go. I have adult responsibilities."
"Well, give it a little time, maybe it will clear up on its own, Betty."
"I am sure that in the dictionary, next to the word 'incorrigible,' there is a picture of you."
"Well, I've got to check that out. Shouldn't somebody be paying me royalties?"
"Goodbye, you nut."
"Bye. And save me some of the chicken wings, okay?"
April 4, 2009.
Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.