A Few Minutes with Betty, Chapter 15: "Upsetting the Applecart" (or, "Wait, You're Not Hugh Jackman!"

"I'm back. I got your Mother's Day message. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Betty. I am chatting with Candida right now."


"She's doing a little better."

"I'm glad."

"But this is a slow process."

"I said hi to her this morning."

"She told me that."

"And I let her know I was here for her. We aren't tight yet, but I just wanted to put it out there."

"She really appreciates the support, and thought, it was very sweet of you. You may hear from her; she really likes you."

"Who wouldn't?"

"Well, yes, that's true."

"I hate when people are hurting. It sucks."

"For an uber good time, call Betty, 703 . . . ."



"Although . . . I went to the movies alone on Sunday and got hit on five times."

"For an UBER good time, call Betty, 703 . . . ."

"Knock it off, buster."

"Okay. Sorry."

"My working name is Darla."

"So you only got hit on five times? Only five? What, were you wearing shades?"

"Nope. But many of the men at the movies were geeks. I think I frightened them."

"Well I'm no geek, and you upset my applecart regularly."

"Snort. Trust me, Shakespeare, if Bill Gates dies before you, you will be the biggest geek on the planet."

"I don't usually call it an applecart, but somehow that just came out, so to speak."

"Apples aren't really a good analogy here, especially since I like to sink my teeth into apples, or fry them, or use my apple slicer."

"*Crosses legs*"


"It figures that you would have an apple slicer."

"My kids like apples, and I'm not allowed to play with knives. It makes my husband nervous."

"As well it should. Are you two doing okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't we be?"

"Well, a while back, you were a little pissed."

"I got over it."


"Just because I get angry doesn't mean I don't love him. Sometimes I want to love him to death."

"I know, that would keep anyone awake."

"He he he."

"I can see him now, ol' one-eye-open George."

"Nah, his allergies have been making life difficult for him lately. So I just use him and then put him to bed."
"Yep, just another appliance . . . another personal pleasuring device."

"I had to go to the movies alone, I needed to feel loved on Mother's Day. Is that so wrong?"

"So you went and saw Wolverine? And no, it is never wrong."

"No, I saw that last weekend. Alone."

"Especially if it is dark or you are standing up."

"Wolverine sucked! Aside from Hugh Jackman. Ha ha. I went to see Star Trek."

"Ah, any good?"

"In a theater full of geeky men and nerds. I loved it."

"Oh that's good to hear. I loved the TV show when I was a kid."

"And let me qualify that by saying that you couldn't make me watch anything Star Trek as a child without tying me down and prying my eyes open a la Clockwork Orange."

"I have only seen a couple of the movies."

"My brother is a Trekkie."

"And none of the other TV shows, the newer ones."

"I mocked him constantly for it. Shall I mock you now?"

"Let's see . . . yep, Monday ends in Y, alright; sure, go ahead, Betty."

"Nah, I'll behave, Shakespeare. There were parts of the movie that I couldn't stand, but overall, it was great."

"I have to leave shortly to scout out a location and take some photos."

"Oh, you journalists are so cool -- scout out a location -- I love it."

"And then I am covering a public hearing at 6:30."

"You are a busy bee, Shakespeare. And yet, you always seem to find the time to steal my words for your humor pieces."

"I would not call it stealing, Betty. We are a humor team."

"I have to take my oldest to get her ballet tights. She was invited to join the junior dance troop."

"I remember those days. Two of my girls loved it, but the third hated it."

"Since she's good at following directions at the age of 5, they invited her. She loves it. My younger daughter is going to try it out next year. I hated it when I was a child, but then I have the grace of a dead squirrel."

"Ah, but you are UBER limber; that has to count for something besides great nasties."

"I can also do push ups; so I'm limber and strong."

"Let's leave your bra out of this, okay?"

"That's just wrong. Leave my padding alone."

"Madam, I did not touch your enhancers. You would have known."

"I should have. Sometimes I'm not all that bright."

"Okay, I have got go get ready to get out of here and on the road."

"Okay, Shakespeare, have a good time."

"And you know that I love and respect you, even if you are sometimes dim."

"I might be dim, but I can still gut you if need be."

"Well in that case, you are still a bright light in my book."

"No, I'm not smart, I just fake it well."

"Very well. See you later, Betty."

August 19, 2009.

Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.

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