"No, you can't."
"Yes, I can. And I will."
"I won't let you. You have no idea, the power that I have now."
"The power? What power? You didn't have the power to stay. Now, you have some power? Bullshit."
"Not bullshit at all, mi amor. Es verdad."
"Please, stop it with the love stuff. If you had loved me, really loved me, you would have stayed. Nothing would have made you leave if you had really loved me. What this has told me, amid all my grief, is that you really did not love me true, like you said that you did, like I believed."
"My leaving had nothing to do with loving you. I did love you, and I do love you. Try as you did, you could never understand the pain that I endured. You could never understand how it tore at me, how it emptied me. I don't fault you for that, my love. No one ever really understands it, unless they have lived it themselves."
"You could have stayed. Here with me. I could have helped you. You could have stayed, and been a mother to these children. You could have stayed and been my lover. Here, the possibilities were endless. But you chose to leave."
"I could have stayed? For what? More misery, more heartache? I had enough heartache for ten thousand lifetimes. No, I wanted to go. I wanted to be free of the ache."
"So it was the ultimate act of selfishness, just like they say. Is that it, is that all of it, just selfishness?"
"Call it what you like. Now I am free of it. The children will be taken care of. And my others, the ones who are here, I am here with them. To care for them. To have them safe again."
"I am following you. Now. You can't stop me. Staying here without you is meaningless."
Despite all of my careful preparation, each time I pull the trigger, the chamber comes up empty. No bullet. No sound. Nothing. I burn with the desire to join her, but she stops me. She does have power now, I can see that. But I will keep trying. One day, she will be distracted, and I will join her. One day.
May 19, 2009.
Copyright © 2009, Ricky A. Pursley. All rights reserved.